He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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