It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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