Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
