Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
