i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
