please come you make the beer taste better
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
