At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
