My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Panties = found
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
