she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
