I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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