I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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