my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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