Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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