This girl is more easily done than said...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
