You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
