who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
