Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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