I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
vagina is talking i cant
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
