You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
