is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
