I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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