Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
