What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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