I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
