Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
