I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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