I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
