first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
