great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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