make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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