It's Friday. Sex?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
