Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
