Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
