i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
