If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
