I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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