it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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