So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
