Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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