my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
