Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
