Girls should come with a carfax report
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
