So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
