Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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