my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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