I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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