remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
