I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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