i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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