I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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