note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
