Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
