dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
