You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
